“Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” (Moses 3:24)
‘We often go into marriage under a false premise. During the courtship it seems that we have never had such an effortless way to have fun. Happiness comes so easily. We laugh, giggle, and share from the bottom of our hearts. The satisfactions flow freely.
Yet the full experience of marriage will demand regular payments across time. What seemed so easy at first will later feel impossible. We may feel cheated when we discover that this bargain requires so much of us. Character and companionship do not come without consistent investment. Yet, if we continue to make payments on our relationship, we will be amazed what we get for our “sacrifices.” (Goddard, Page 42)
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How very cold and lonely it is when the closeness of trust is taken away by the infidelity of a spouse. The spouse has given up the ‘investment’ for the ‘gall of bitterness’.
“…all men that are in a state of nature, or I would say, in a carnal state, are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; they are without God in the world, and they have gone contrary to the nature of God; therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness.” (Alma 41:11)
It is so important to stay close to Heavenly Father through joined prayer, scripture study and church attendance. And, although our readings didn’t say much about keeping the Word of Wisdom, this is also a very important doctrine to adhere too. Alcoholic drinking and/or substance abuse can lower one’s inhibitions, and make wrong choices seem right. Then, all in a moment, a marriage can be shattered.
It is not impossible to recover from one or the other of the spouse’s having an affair, but it creates so much hurt, pain, and mistrust and it makes an already complex relationship that much more difficult to maneuver.
I think that selfishness and thoughtlessness are two of the biggest causes for marital intimacy, in all its many forms, but spiritual and emotional especially, to be battered. These weaknesses, when taken to extreme, as in the case of an affair, cause something that was beautiful and beneficial to the marital relationship to be turned into something ugly; a create insecurity and chase away a means they had for closeness between them. The doubts that are raised and the damage done into a once loving relationship can never be undone. It can be lived through and mended, but only through the love and charity of the ‘wronged’ spouse with the sincerest repentance of the offender, and the healing power of Jesus Christ.
I beseech you; stay turned toward one another in your marriage as Dr. Gottman encourages.
Love one another: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TiTXxQu6Gc
Give each other the benefit of the doubt when you are in a rough patch. And use the ways that Dr. Goddard suggests in his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships to armor your most precious relationship. I provide a summary from pages 94-95:
- “Do not allow the seeds of lust to germinate.”
- “Never make excuses to spend time alone with a person of the opositve sex who I not your spouse.”
- “Take responsibility for the message that you give.”
- “Do not allow your heart to well on anyone.” (Except your spouse.)
- “If you find yourself making excuses for continuing the relationship, you are addicted. GET HELP!” (Emphasis added.)
- “Spend more enjoyable time with your spouse.”
- “Review your spiritual efforts.”
- “Don’t set yourself up for failure…”Avoiding is better than resisting. Make your spouse a partner in all of your efforts to help a person of the opposite sex.”
- “Keep your soul free of the soul-numbing barrenness of pornography.”
- “Celebrate the sweet gift of companionship.” (With your spouse.)
It is so much more worthwhile to work through the marriages ‘ups and downs together, than to add an affair to the mix. Never give your spouse a reason to wonder about your marital fidelity, your integrity or your commitment to your covenants.
References:
Book of Mormon.
Goddard, H.W. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Gottman J.M., Silver N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.
Holy Bible, King James Version.
YouTube – Love One Another Song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TiTXxQu6Gc
Marriage Ponderments 